I thought I was liberal about age-gap relationships. Then I spoke to my sons

Detailed summary

My sons are 22 and 19, both students and both in stable relationships. They follow the news and were genuinely shocked at the idea that a man in his 30s or older having a…

This week has been a difficult one for women. The news agenda has been dominated by disturbing allegations and accounts of sexual abuse which have been well covered.

What I’m about to talk about is clearly not the most important issue to emerge in the last few days, but the coverage has sparked a conversation with my sons about consensual age-gap relationships. Whether they would entertain an age-gap relationship in their own lives and, somewhat uncomfortably, what my husband and I might feel about it.

Full disclosure: my husband is seven years older than me, which I reminded both Ollie and Joe about. They felt that was different as we had met as “fully-grown adults”- in other words I wasn’t 16 when we met and he wasn’t 23. That, for them, would have been more troubling.

It wasn’t long ago that both our children were at school. In terms of attitudes about girlfriends and boyfriends, we all agreed that not much has changed since my own classroom days. Mostly, you went out with people your own age. A year older was fine, but by the time sixth form arrived (Year 12 today), some girls might be seeing boys who were a few years older and even – deep breath – who had already left school and might even be working.

So much of the conversation comes down to generalities: we all know people who don’t seem to act their age – they might be remarkably mature or remarkably unworldly for their years. So what would happen if one of our boys came home with a woman who was much older?

I might try to say the right thing, the thing all parents fall back on: “As long as he’s happy, and she makes him happy, that’s good enough for me.” But would I mean it? My older boy put it bluntly: “You’d think it was weird, mum, and you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself saying that.” He has a point.

In the end, would I want to jeopardise my relationship with my boys over what may be a transient association?

Opening of the article, excerpted from i News. To read the rest, open the article on the publisher's site.