Managing conflict may be the most important skill you need to learn

Résumé détaillé

‘Instead of running away from tension, we need to welcome its uncomfortable elements into our lives. Conflict is not a flaw to be eradicated, but a force to be harnessed,’ Tim Duggan writes

Tim Duggan grew up believing arguments were something to avoid at all costs and the key to a harmonious existence was to identify any points of tension early and neutralize them. The best way to handle messy conflicts was often to run in the opposite direction.

But when he co-founded a media company in his mid-20s that grew to 65 full-time staff, he had to learn to argue with colleagues and then return the next day and get back to work. He had to adjudicate fights between departments and colleagues colliding in pursuit of their goals. He saw how healthy competition fuelled innovation.

“What I now know, after years of experience and research is that instead of running away from tension, we need to welcome its uncomfortable elements into our lives. Conflict is not a flaw to be eradicated, but a force to be harnessed,” he writes in Clear in Tension.

Yet conflict is not something pro-actively discussed in the workplace. He notes we spend more time training people to use Microsoft Excel at work than we do teaching them how to manage conflict, yet it’s the most important skill we can learn.

That training might begin with an exploration of the four distinct terrains of conflict. He constructed that classification based on two factors - how much trust there is between the parties in the conflict and how closely aligned they are in values:

He notes once you determine what terrain you are in, you can then figure out how to shift to a more conducive zone – or remain where you are. His five-part formula for handling conflict better is summed up in the acronym CLEAR: Clarify what matters, Listen generously, Explore what’s underneath the conflict, Align on a shared direction and Reset your story.

He stresses the importance of not just listening but listening generously. That requires knowing your own biases, holding back your judgments, staying curious and being willing to change your mind.

The words you are hearing – the positions being expressed – are like the top layer of an iceberg.

Début de l'article, extrait de The Globe and Mail (Report on Business). Pour lire la suite, ouvrez l'article chez le média.